When The World Spins Out Of Control
by lostinthelights
Summary: Right now, she didn't want explanations or excuses as to how this happened or why they didn't tell her. Right now, all she wanted was to hold Finn and to feel him hold her back. Set after 4.06.
1. Chapter 1

He doesn't remember what happened. One moment he's cruising along the highway hearing a large truck beeping behind him while he cursed under his breath about stupid truck drivers and their impatience. He was slowly starting to get pissed at the truck driver. Who the hell beeps at him so loudly for driving the speed limit? He was a freaking truck, couldn't he like, chill or something? All of a sudden, he stopped at the stop light and he felt something huge ram into his truck from behind, and straight to a tree before he blacked out.

Before he knew it, he was blinking slowly, a white light surrounding him. Was he in heaven? But god, he didn't remember any stories about heaven being a place where there was pain. Everything hurt. His head hurt, his arm hurt, breathing hurt, and God, why did everything _hurt_? He blinked again, and slowly everything began to take form. The light was white, the room was white, and he could see his legs under a light blue blanket. He turned his head a little, with great difficulty, but then he saw a familiar face.

"Mom." He croaked, his voice hoarse and dry. His arm was hurting like a _bitch_. Well, everything was hurting like a bitch really, but his arm especially. He lifted his left arm a little and saw that it was enveloped in a green cast, all the way up to his elbow. He broke his arm? Damn, how was going to play football now?

"Finn. Thank god you're awake. You've been asleep for almost one week and we've been so worried..." His Mom continues to ramble on and he zones out for a moment. He slowly assesses his injuries a little bit more. His chest hurts a bit, but when he moves a little, a sharp pain shoots up his side. He takes a deep breath and realizes that when he takes a deep breath, it _really_ hurts. His arm was still in a cast, but his legs seemed fine. He tries to wiggle his toes and that's when he realizes it.

He can't move his toes.

Finn starts to panic a little. What the fuck happened to his legs? Why couldn't he move them? They were there. He could see them, under the blanket, but it didn't look like they had casts on them. _But why couldn't he move them?_

"Mom... Mom what happened to my legs? Why can't I move them, are they broken or something?" Finn asks, his eyes wide as his Mom's tears start falling again.

"I'm so sorry baby... The accident, your spine took a huge amount of damage and... and..."

His Mom didn't need to tell him what he was.

He was _paralyzed. _

He was speechless for a moment. Him? Paralyzed? No way. This shit didn't happen in real life. This shit happened in _movies_. He tried his hardest to will his legs to move and _goddamit why couldn't he? _The realization slowly began to sink in, and the more it sunk it, the more Finn wanted to deny it, to wish that it wasn't true.

"No...no... it can't be true. No! Mom, no! No! No! No! No! _No!_" It Finn started to trash around, his tears streaming down his face as the nurses started to rush in, his Mom backing away from his as the nurse injected a clear liquid into the IV line that was attached to his arm and before he knew it, he slipped into the darkness that consumed him, the last thought running through his mind was his dreams, suddenly being ripped away and broken.

All because of one car accident.

* * *

Carole exited the room tears flowing down her cheeks as she walked towards the waiting room, where Kurt and Burt were waiting. Kurt and Burt were just as devastated as her, but deep in her, Carole knew that nobody would be as devastated as her. She had watched Finn grow from his infant years, when he was just a chubby little baby, her perfect little thing, and grow into this amazing young man and it just killed her to watch him be in so much pain.

"Hey guys. He's awake." Carole said to them, their heads snapping up.

"Really? Is he okay? How is he? When can we see him?" Kurt said, rambling. Burt put a hand on his shoulder to calm Kurt down, waiting for Carole to speak.

"They had to sedate him. He freaked out when he found out he couldn't move his legs." Carole said as Burt began to rub her back slowly, tears beginning to leak once more from her eyes. She's cried so much over the past week, but for once she's crying tears of joy. She's so thankful that her baby is awake. It's been torture to just sit there and wait for him to move, while knowing that he might never move again hanging over your head.

"Am I allowed to go see him?" Carole nods and Kurt quickly moves out of their sight and into Finn's room. He was absolutely devastated to hear the news about Finn and flew the same day that he heard the news from Burt. It had been one of the scariest phone calls of his life.

_Kurt was finishing up the paperwork that Isabelle needed for her next meeting when his cellphone started to ring. He sighed, expecting it to be Blaine and picked it up to tell him that he was working and that he should really stop calling. He pressed the green button on the phone, starting into his long excuse to get Blaine to stop calling him. Didn't he get that the wounds were still fresh?_

_"Look Blaine, I appreciate the effort but can you please stop calling I'm trying to work on something for Isabelle..."_

_"Kurt? It's not Blaine buddy." Kurt immediately sensed that there was something different about his Dad's tone._

_"Dad? Is everything okay? Is it your heart? I told you to stop eating that chocolate cake that Carole keeps bringing home from the hospital it's not good for you..."_

_"I'm not calling about me, I'm fine."_

_"Is it Carole? Is she okay?" Kurt's heart started to pound a little fast._

_"Yes, Carole's fine." Burt lets out a long breath. "It's Finn. He was hit by a drunk driver around two hours ago, he's in surgery now." Kurt's heart almost stopped beating. Finn was hit by a drunk driver? He was in surgery? How did Carole react? How is Rachel going to react? He began to stuff his things inside his messenger bag, ready to bolt from the office, but Kurt was unaware through that his Dad was still speaking._

_"- A few broken bones, but his spine took the most damage. The doctors tell us that he might not be able to walk again..." Kurt tightened his hold on his bag, his knuckles turning white from the force of his grip. His stomach felt like it was doing olympic type somersaults and was ready to stick their landing out of his ass. _

_"Wait, Finn can't walk?" His Dad sighed, his voice sounding tired and heavy._

_"Well, with intense physical therapy and some medication, it might come back, but the doctors haven't fully assessed the damage yet. Now, Finn told us about his and Rachel's no contact rule, so I think it would be best if we respected it okay? Finn will tell her when he's ready to tell her." Kurt nodded before realizing his Dad couldn't see him. _

_"Alright, I promise not to tell her, but I'm flying out tonight, I'll text you my flight details alright?" _

_"Son, you don't need to do that..." Kurt cut his Dad off immediately. _

_"Dad, that's my brother? I'll text you the flight details." _

Kurt had gotten into the first plane out of New York and into Columbus, where his Dad was already waiting for him. They drove in silence to the hospital, Kurt silently praying for his brother, looking out the window and watching Ohio go by. Ohio was beautiful and it was great to come home, but he never wanted to be home for this reason. They got to the hospital in around an hour and they've been waiting on news for Finn for almost a week, alternating taking turns staying with Finn at the hospital. Finally, they had gotten some news, and Kurt was standing outside his brother's room, taking a deep breath.

He expected things to be different. For Finn to be awake and to respond to him, but he was still asleep, just like all the other days he's been watching him. He moved to his spot on the chair next to the bed and smiled at Finn, who looked as peaceful as ever. The room's silence though was broken by the shrill ringing off his phone and Kurt panicked, digging his phone out of his pocket and answered the call, not even bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello?" Kurt whispered into his phone, glancing at Finn and making sure he didn't wake him. He needed his rest.

"Hey Kurt! Sorry, did I catch you at a bad time? Why are you whispering?" Rachel asked. Kurt cleared his throat and stood up, crossing the room and opening the door, stepping outside.

"Oh... I was... watching a movie with my Dad and he didn't want to be disturbed so I left the room."

"Oh that's fine! I was wondering, when will you be home, you've been gone for a long time." Rachel said in a sad voice as Kurt sighed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just... some family problems came up at home and it's kinda tiring all of us out."

"F-Family problems? Is everyone okay Kurt?" Kurt shook his head, knowing fully well that no, nobody was okay. Carole was a wreck, unable to stop crying. His Dad could barely keep his head together to work at the shop and he himself couldn't eat or sleep well knowing Finn was still in the hospital.

"Yeah, everyone's fine. How is everything there? Brody?" Kurt asked, hoping to deter her away from the topic of his family. Immediately, her voice pepped up considerably.

"Oh we're great! Brody's taking me to an off-Broadway show tonight, it's apparently supposed to be spectacular, though I beg to disagree after I heard about the storyline from June, my friend in dance class, and I also heard that their lead singer was..." Rachel continued to ramble on about her new boyfriend and Kurt spaces out, thinking of how Finn must have felt when he discovered that he couldn't move his legs. God, that must have been devasting. Finn was an athlete, a football player, a basketball player. He loved to bike and he loved snowboarding. He might have not been the greatest dancer, but he still liked to dance and he just had all of that ripped away from him in one go.

"... Kurt! Kurt are you still there?" Rachel's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"Oh, oh yeah sorry I spaced out."

"Kurt, are you really okay?" Kurt looked back into the room, watching as his brother slept peacefully, smiling at the serene look on his face, his mouth open and drool spilling from the side in a single drop.

"Yeah, everything's going to be fine."

* * *

**Hey guys! I re-did chapter one cause I did not like it. Hopefully, you guys like this one better! Follow, review, add this story to your favorites, and most of all, enjoy! **

**lostinthelights**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi guys, it's a little disheartening to receive a small amount of reviews for my first chapter. :( If you really really like it and you want me to continue, please review, if you don't, I'll discontinue this story and try to think of something more interesting for you guys to read. Thank you! :) **

* * *

**Three months later...**

Roll. Stop. Roll. Stop. Roll. Stop. Roll. Stop.

Finn sighed as he struggled to get up the ramp that led to his house. Burt and his mom had installed a ramp on the front porch so that Finn could get up easily, but he always ended up getting stuck on this one part of the ramp. He blew out a breath. This always happened when he was at the top of the ramp already, and it was pissing him off more recently, but he tried to keep a cool head so that he would fall backward and roll back down the ramp.

Roll. Stop. Roll. Stop. Roll._ Thwack. _

Finn busted through the front door, almost ramming his chair against the end of the couch. There used to be a night stand where he stood (or sat) but he had ran into it and his Mom came out fromt he kitchen and was almost pissed at him for breaking the lamp that Grandma had given her. But one look at Finn's chair and his legs, and his Mom just told him that it was okay and that she was making his favorite dinner, fried chicken and mashed potatoes. That was the thing that Finn hated the most. Despite the accident, the physical therapy, the pain, the medication, everything. There was one thing that he hated the most.

The looks.

The look of pity, sadness, sympathy. As if that was all he was going to be to them. A sad, paralyzed teenager whose dreams were destroyed by a drunk driver who ran a red light.

It pissed him off to no end to have people look at him like that. So Finn did what he did best.

He shut everyone out.

His Mom had wanted him to go to a therapist and talk about what he as feeling, since he wouldn't talk to anybody. Kurt had tried. Burt has tried. His Mom tried. Mr. Schue tried, and the entire Glee club had tried. But they knew that they would never get him to open up, and that there was only one person who could. Rachel, but she didn't know about what happened to him. He begged everyone who knew both of them to not tell her. He even begged her Dads, and they agreed, giving him a sad look, that fucking look that makes him wish that he could just stand up and throw his wheelchair and kick it as hard as he can. To show everyone that he can still fulfill his dreams and he doesn't have to hide his failure from the girl he loves.

He rolled towards his new bedroom, opening the door and throwing his backpack on the floor. It wasn't really a new bedroom, it actually looked almost exactly like his old room, it was just downstairs in the old family room. The other solution was to get a chair that went up the stairs, but Mom and Burt found it a little too expensive, and so did he. They also had to get an extra wheelchair for if that happened, just to ba able to transport him to his room (because everyone knows no one else would be able to carry him) so they just scraped the whole idea and transferred his whole bedroom downstairs.

On somedays, it was good. He was all alone on the first floor at night when everyone was asleep and he could just roll into the kitchen when he was hungry and just grab something to eat (All of Finn's favorite foods were placed on lower shelves where he could easily reach them) or make some hot chocolate if he wanted to. No one bothered him at night, even if he stayed up late, but those nights were only when the pain kept him up too much. Usually his pain medication made it difficult to stay up since it really made him drowsy.

He rolled up to the bed and used his upperbody to pull himself up, dragging his legs unto the bed as well as he lay down. He was exhausted. Physical therapy was extremely tiring, especially today. It's been two months since he started rigorous physical therapy, and every session left his body bruised and battered, even though the accident already left him so broken. He was pretty sure he had bruises on his bruises. He massaged his arms, moaning softly at the feeling. He's been working his arms to the bone, since he had to make up for the strength he lost in his legs. But he had to keep working hard. At least there was one silver lining to this whole fucked up situation.

He was a partial paraplegic.

The only area that was affected by the accident were his legs. Everything else worked just fine (and yes, that included his penis. But who would want to fuck a sad kid in a wheelchair?). He could still pee and poop normally and he could sometimes feel his toes, but that was it. The doctor said that maybe into around six months to three years, he would be able to walk again. And that's all he wanted. To be able to walk. To be able to run. To be able to play football. All he needed to do was make sure that he went to physical therapy regularly, remember to drink his meds and hopefully, he'd be able to start feeling his legs again and start moving.

He sighed as he reached for the football next to him, throwing it up and down, hitting the ceiling with each throw. He couldn't deny it, his arms had gotten stronger since the accident. The doctors said it was some kind of strength that came from losing his legs and he was pretty sure he could bench press more than he did three months ago, since he was lifting his legs around everywhere all the time, and damn were they heavy...

"Finn! I'm trying to study for my finals, can you please keep it down and stop thumping your football against my floor?" Kurt said, placing his hands on his hips. Finn chuckled, running his hand through his hair.

"Sorry little bro. I was bored." Kurt smiled, shaking his head and moving to sit next to him on his bed.

"Yeah, I get it. How was physical therapy?" Kurt said, throwing one leg over the other. Finn smiled. Out of all the things that didn't change, he was glad that Kurt was still such a stable part of his life. Kurt had been coming home almost every other weekend just to see him and talk to him. Sometimes, Finn would open up to him and maybe once or twice he had cried on his brother's shoulder (okay, it was four times, but really, who was counting?) about the accident and everything that had happened.

"It was rough. Steve was pretty hard on me today." Steve was Finn's physical trainer. He was this ex-Marine and seriously, who puts a guy like _that_ in physical training? Apparently Steve was shot in the back and lost movement in his legs, just like Finn, but he worked himself so hard and now the guy ran a 10 km marathon every three months. But Steve could be tough on some days. One day Finn was in so much pain that he just couldn't stop vomiting and Steve called him a pussy until he got up and started again. Finn almost clocked the guy in the jaw, he was lucky that Finn was in pain and that his arm was still broken.

"You didn't throw up again, did you?" Kurt said, looking concerned. Finn shook his head. "That's good."

They sat in a comfortable silence as Kurt just sat there, picking off lint off of his bright red pants.

"So Finn, I was wondering if you wanted some warm milk?" Finn smiled and nodded as Kurt got off the bed and retreated to the kitchen as Finn hoisted himself off the bed and put his legs in an indian position on the floor just as Kurt came in with a tray of warm milk and cookies for Finn. He sat down in front of Finn, placing the tray in front of him and smiling as he launched into a story about this guy in his office named Ken who played the harp with his toes.

Some things just never change.

* * *

In New York, at around the same time as Finn and Kurt were enjoying their stories and warm milk, Rachel Berry was in front of her mirror, practicing scales while waiting for her boyfriend to come pick her up for their weekly date. Rachel made it a point to spend at least one meal a week with Brody, mostly to catch up with him and do couple-y stuff, but sometimes, she had some days that she just really needed the presence of a person, since Kurt was mostly not around during weekends. He either went back to Lima on a train or his Dad would come pick him up when he had no classes on Fridays. Rachel had been seeing less and less of Kurt, and was wondering why he went back to Lima so often. Kurt had told her that he just wanted to spend some time with his family and just got extremely home sick, but Rachel had an inkling that something was behind that.

Rachel frowned as she looked at the clock. It was already 7:30 and Brody had promised to pick her up thirty minutes ago. She sighed, tired of practicing her scales and instead sat on her desk and opened her laptop. She typed in 'facebook' and logged into her facebook site, only to see in the top right corner that it was going to be her Daddy's birthday soon. She sighed as she clicked on the name "Finn Hudson" on her friends list and saw several posts on to his wall.

**Quinn Fabray:** Get better soon, Finn! We're all here for you! :)

**Artie Abrams:** I'll be around to help you out if you need it! BD

**Mercedes Jones:** Damn white boy, I leave for a month and this happens?

**Marley Rose:** We miss you at Glee rehearsals Finn! :)

**Jake Puckerman:** Get well soon dude.

**Noah Puckerman:** Damn Huddy, once you get better you fly out to L.A. and we'll get you some ladies.

Rachel furrowed her brow. There were several other posts on his wall about him getting better. Was he sick or something? And why didn't Kurt tell her? Her thought process was cut short by a knock on the door, as Rachel shut her laptop and walked to the mirror, fixing her hair and opening the door. She smiled as her Brody brandished flowers.

"Hey beautiful. Sorry I'm late, I got lost in the subway, I took the wrong train by accident." Brody said, leaning in for a kiss as Rachel gave him a short peck before grabbing her coat. She'd worry about Finn later, right now she had to attend to her boyfriend.

Then why was there a little voice in the back of her head asking her to call Kurt?

She sighed as Brody took her hand and began telling her about his latest class and how this guy named Jimmy totally blew his Spring Showcase audition and how he would now probably get in. Her mind was drifting far away, thinking of what could have happened to Finn.

"-Babe? Babe are you okay?" She snapped out of her trance and looked at Brody, who looked concerned. Rachel nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just... don't feel well. Is it okay if I take a rain check?" Brody looked disappointed, but nodded.

"Do you need me to like, get you soup or anything...?" Rachel shook her head as they began to walk back.

"I'm fine, I just need to get some sleep alright?" Brody nodded as he stopped in front of her apartment building.

"All right, do you mind if I call you later?" Rachel shook her head and smiled. Despite him not being Finn, Brody was pretty sweet. Gave her flowers all the time, called her everyday, walked her to class when she had to extend late at night, and even did amazing duets with her. She kissed him softly before squeezing his hand and walking up into their empty apartment. She reached for her phone and searched for Kurt's number, pressing the green button once she had found it.

"Hey Rachel! Aren't you supposed to be on your weekly date with Brody?" Kurt answered his phone, looking over at Finn when he mentioned Brody and Rachel's date. His shoulders sunk. Of course she would have another boyfriend. She was amazing, beautiful and had such a big heart and of course there would be someone interested in her.

"Yeah, I was but while I was waiting for Brody I was looking through Finn's facebook page... What happened to him and why was everyone telling him to get better?" Finn heard what Rachel had said and started to signal to Kurt to lie to her. Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes. Why Finn was trying so hard to keep this from Rachel was really beyond him.

"Yeah, Finn had... food poisoning and he had to stop running Glee club for a while." Rachel let out a sigh of relief. She was glad that it wasn't anything worse.

"Alright. Is he doing better? Is he getting enough fluids? What did the doctor say?"

"And why do you ask?" Kurt asked, looking at Finn who sighed.

"Because he's Finn, Kurt. He's always going to be important to me, you know that." Finn shook his head. He was starting to get a little pissed, what gave her the right to do that to him, after _she_ broke up with _him_.

"Doesn't she have a_ boyfriend_ to attend to?" Finn spit out, hoisting himself on the bed, knocking the empty glass over. He buried his head into his pillow as Kurt rubbed his back.

"No, no, that wasn't Finn. I was watching a Lifetime movie. Finn's outside... playing basketball." Rachel blew out a breath.

"Why didn't you guys tell me Finn was sick? I mean, I know just what makes him feel better. Some of my chicken soup and Braveheart." Finn couldn't help but let his lips quirk up slightly. Even after almost nine months apart, she still knew him.

"I dunno, we just forgot I guess." Kurt said, lying bluntly. They didn't forget, none of them did. All of them begged Finn to tell her what happened, but he just refused. Finn slumped down towards the bed. She didn't need to know. How was she going to accept him when he was just now a paraplegic with big dreams that are probably never going to be fulfilled?

She couldn't love him. He was a loser.

* * *

**Sorry guys! But to make up for it, it's longer than usual! :) **

**Thanks for the support and please review! **

_**lostinthelights**_


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys!**

**So I know that there have been a lack of updates... Like super lack of updates... and I'm so SORRY OMG PLS. FORGIVE ME. **

**I am trying to continue ALL the stories that I've written and I promise to finish them! **

**Do you guys think it's a good idea? **

* * *

_June, 2013_

Finn sighed, rolling his wheels back and forth as he stayed in the waiting room of his doctor's office, Doctor Phillips. He was cool guy, he finished school early or something and he was like, super young. He was twenty-seven years old and specialized in spinal injuries, ever since his sister who was a paraplegic since she was born, died due to surgery complications a few years ago. Finn fiddled with his shoe, attempting to curl his toes like the doctor said, but as far as he's every gotten is feeling the tips of his socks using his big toe. None of his toes really moved, and if his toes didn't move, neither did rest of his legs. It was starting to get depressing, especially since it's been almost half a year since the accident. Kurt was just about to finish up with school and stay with him for the rest of the summer, so he wouldn't be so alone all the time when Kurt went back to New York. He was flipping through a Discovery Channel magazine and was wondering about the Japanese people who make their foreheads look like donuts. Like, who would actually want their face to have a huge doughnut on it...

"Finn Hudson? Doctor Phillips is ready to see you now." Finn nodded, place the magazine back on the table and rolled into Doctor Phillips office.

"Hey Finn! How are you buddy?" Doctor Phillips said, smiling as Finn lifted himself up on the examination table, part of his routine.

"I'm okay I guess. My arms are stronger now than before." Finn said nonchalantly. Doctor Phillips nodded, putting on gloves and a stethoscope and began to physically exam Finn.

"Regain any feelings in your toes?" Finn sighed as the doctor began to slowly massage his legs. He could feel his legs there, he just couldn't move it.

"No, I mean all I can do is feel my socks with my toes, not much wiggling really." Finn said as the doctor made him lie down and turn over, lifting his shirt and slowly examining the injuries on his back.

"You're healing quite nicely Finn. Your stitches pulled together quite nicely, if I do say so myself and you'd probably be left with little to no scarring in your lower back area. I can't say about the rest of your stitches, you'll have to refer to your other doctors." Doctor Phillips felt around his lower back and assessed the placement of his spine.

"The bones have healed up as well, I am sure that there are still major cracks around it though, but as usual, I cannot fully assess anything without your routine xray and spinal tap, so you know where to head for those. Nurse Jeannie will assist you, as per usual." Finn sat up, throwing his t-shirt back on Doctor Phillips said, as his assistant entered the room and helped him off the examination table and into his wheelchair, off to the radiology department to get his xray.

"So how are you today Finn?" Jeannie asked politely. Nurse Jeannie was by far the sweetest old lady that Finn's ever met. She was the one who took care of Finn when he was still in the ICU, and would always love to sneak him cookies and chocolate milk as treats when he'd go through a particularly tough procedure or the pain was just too much. The cookies and chocolate milk wouldn't make the pain go away, but it did help make him feel better.

"I'm okay. I'm kinda bummed that I still can't walk though." Finn said truthfully. Jeannie reminded Finn of his own grandmother, who was just as nurturing and caring. Jeannie chuckled.

"Finn, of course you won't be able to walk, it's only been half a year since your accident! Do you want me to let you in on a little secret?" Jeannie said, lowering her voice significantly and looking around, as if it was a super top secret.

"Sure!" Finn said, nodding his head enthusiastically.

"Your physical trainer Steve? It took him almost five years to get to walk again and look at him now! Running a marathon every few months!" Finn groaned, not feeling better about his whole situation.

"So it's gonna take me more than five years to walk?" Finn said, not liking where this was going. If Steve, this hardcore Marine, took five years to walk, what more him, a lanky teen who hasn't played football in over six months?

"No, Finn, Steve was in his late forties when he got shot, he was almost 55 when he learned to walk again. Imagine you, young, and strong, you will definitely learn to walk in a much shorter amount of time okay?" Jeannie said, ruffling his hair as they stopped in front of the radiology department. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a small ziplock of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Finn smiled as she placed it in his lap.

"Thanks Jeannie! I'll just go back to Doctor Phillips office on my own." Jeannie nodded and proceeded down the hallway they came from. Finn rolled into the radiology department and one of the nurses signalled him into one of the xray rooms. One of the familiar faces was there today, Patrick.

"'Sup Finn. Doctor Phillips need the usual?" Finn nodded, lifting his shirt off of his head. He examined his muscles for a while, noticing the visible muscles on them. He has definitely gotten way stronger than before. Right now, he managed to lift his entire body into the shower, on the toilet, on his bed, into his wheelchair easily. He grabbed the iron apron on the table and put it on before hoisting himself up on the table, laying on his stomach as Patrick prepped the machine, placing it right about his lower back.

"You know the drill buddy." Finn nodded as Patrick went behind the glass partition and performed the xray. After a few minutes, Finn hopped off the table and put his shirt back on before going to another department, where his spinal tap was gonna be done. That was by far the procedure he hated the most. He had to make sure his bladder was empty and after the spinal tap was usually followed by a headache. Not usually, but sometimes it did and it really sucked. But his Mom always bought him a tall cup of cold coffee from the Lima Bean to help, and it was usually bearable. He went into the room where his spinal taps were usually performed, and as expected, Doctor Phillips was already waiting for him.

"Hey Finn. Just put on the gown, I assume you already know that your bladder needs to be empty?" Finn nodded and took off his clothes and put on the gown, pulling himself up on the bed, curling up into a ball as the doctor swabbed iodine around his back. He needs to have one spinal tap done a month and he's still not used to the feeling. He winced as the doctor injected his lower back with local anesthesia and waiting around 20 minutes for the area to numb, while still curled into a ball. His muscles were starting to cramp.

"Alright Finn, I'm going to put the needle in now..." Finn felt a bit of pressure on his back and after a while, he felt it release and the doctor immediately rolled him on his back. Suddenly, his Mom and Burt came through the door and smiled at him.

"Hey buddy. How was the spinal tap?" Burt asked. Finn shrugged.

"A spinal tap's a spinal tap. I'm kinda hungry though."

"Well, why don't we get you home and we can order some pizza or pass by Burger King if you'd like."

"That sounds good, I'm starving." The nurses helped Finn off the bed and into his wheelchair.

"Okay Finn, you know the instructions. Take your medication and get home as soon as possible and lay down for a couple of hours." Finn nodded as his Mom thanked Doctor Phillips as they both rolled him out, chatting to him about his appointment, completely unaware of the brunette watching them from across the hall, a look of shock spread across her face.

* * *

She hasn't seen or talked to him in over six months, and this is where she sees him again. She runs into him at the local hospital, and she can't believe what she's seeing. Finn Hudson, in a wheelchair, rolling out of a doctor's office.

Rachel was home for the summer, since all her finals were either papers, projects or a song, and she was allowed to go home now with no impending academic requirements to complete for the rest of the school year. Her Daddy had gone to the doctor the other day for his annual routine chest exam and was busy today, so she was tasked to pick it up then bring it home so her Daddy could bring it to work.

_"In my life, there are so many questions whose answers seem wrong..." _Rachel hummed as she walked to the radiology department as the nurse who was a little too interested in her nailbeds to look at her and talk to her nicely. Really, was common courtesy a foreign concept to most Americans in this current age? As Rachel walked over to the radiology department, she heard a familiar voice echoing from one of the rooms down the hall. A voice that she yearned to hear every single day in New York. A voice that she missed, so, so much.

"… I'm kinda hungry though." Rachel's brows furrowed. I thought Finn was sick months ago? Rachel thought, snapping out of her thoughts quickly when she heard Carole and Burt's voices getting closer. She hid behind a wall and watched as Carole pushed Finn out of the room in a wheelchair. Rachel was confused even further. Why was Finn in a wheelchair if this was probably only a check-up? What was going on?

"…And Jeannette was telling me about Steve, and it took him five years to walk again. Is it gonna take me that long?" Walk _again_? Is that why he was in a wheelchair, because he couldn't _walk_?

_ What was going on?_

"Don't worry sweetheart, I'm sure if you just continue the physical therapy, take your medication and stay positive, it'll happen, okay baby?" Carole said, pressing a kiss to the top of her baby boy's head. Rachel watched the exchange and silently followed them as they exited the hospital. Finn opened the door and lifted himself into the car as Burt folded his wheelchair and placed it in the back of the car. Finn closed the door as Burt hopped in and together, they drove off. Rachel's head was spinning with a million and one thoughts.

* * *

**Hey guys! Here's another update for you!**

**For the next chapter, Rachel confronts Kurt and a little Finchel interaction!**

**Thanks for reading, please, as always, review! **

**lostinthelights**


	4. Chapter 4

There were so little things in life that Rachel ever got confused about.

The first was when she was five, and she had just gotten home from her first day at school in Kindergarden. She baked cookies with her daddies that weekend and was so excited to share them with her brand new classmates, and this boy, Dave, had rejected her offer at a cookie because her daddies were _fags_. At that point, Rachel didn't understand what fag was, and when Rachel told her daddies, they got really sad and asked Rachel to go to her room. They told her what it meant and for the first time in her life, Rachel was confused. What did her daddies do? They were so nice, so loving and so good, why did people call them such bad names?

The second time she was confused was when she was in her second year, having just discovered that Shelby had just adopted Beth. She had run all the way to Finn's house and when he opened the door, completely confused, she launched himself into his arms and proceeded to cry her heart out. Finn had tried to coax the story out of her, but eventually gave up when she would just clutch his shirt and continue to cry. She was confused once more, as to why her own biological mother would rather choose an adopted baby, when she had her biological daughter, her own flesh and blood, here waiting for her.

The last time she was confused was now. All she was doing was walking to the hospital to get her Daddy's chest x-rays and assessment, and she sees Finn Hudson, her exboyfriend, tall, lanky, football playing Finn Hudson, rolling out of the hospital in a wheelchair, talking to his mother about the possibility of him walking again. This only implied that he couldn't walk now. Why couldn't he walk now? What the hell was going on?

Rachel just watched as Carole's car pulled out of the hospital parking lot and stood there deep in thought for the next ten minutes before hopping into her car and deciding to follow them back to their house, which Rachel assumes they went. And if they didn't she would sit there, waiting for them to come home and demanding an answer from one of them. Her mind raced as she made her way to Finn's neighborhood, turning into the familiar streets. She was hoping that this was all a misunderstanding, a bad joke, something that didn't tell her that Kurt, who probably knew what happened to Finn, withheld this information from her. Vital information about the boy she once loved or still loved until now.

Her heart started to pound as she pulled into Finn's street, the familiar house she hasn't seen in so long coming into view with every passing second. Before she knew it, she had pulled her car into park and got out of her car. The first thing she saw that confirmed her fears was the ramp. Right next to the stairs that lead up to the front door of the house was a ramp, clearly for those in wheelchairs so that they would access the house which would only mean that Finn was in a wheelchair and oh God what happened to him and why didn't anyone tell her and she was going to kill somebody...

_Take a deep breath Rachel. You don't know anything yet_. Rachel told herself, taking a deep breath before climbing up the stairs slowly, still eying the ramp as she rang the doorbell. The last person she expected opened the door.

It was Kurt.

"R-Rachel?" Kurt said, his eyes widening comically. Rachel would have laughed, but the first thing that her eyes landed on was the object in front of the den of their home.

_A wheelchair._

"K-Kurt? What's going on? I go to Lima Medical and see Finn rolling out a doctor's office in a wheelchair. Is there something you're not telling me?" Rachel's voice got loud and high pitched as her frustration increased. Kurt moved towards her and closed the door behind him, shushing her.

"Rachel, please you need to be quiet, Finn's resting right now and he really needs to sle-"

"What. Is. Going. On." Rachel said in a deadly calm voice, her steely eyes scaring Kurt a little as he tried to stutter out an explanation. Rachel wanted to find out what happened to Finn and she wanted to find it out now. Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Carole, Finn's mother.

"Kurt, honey, what's going o-" Carole stopped short at the sight of Rachel, her eyes almost filled with tears and her fists clenched to the point that they were almost white.

"Rachel? What are you doing here?" Carole asked calmly as Rachel explained herself.

"I-I saw you guys at the hospital and Finn was in a wheelchair and I'm so sorry but I just need to know what happened to him. He was talking about walking again and God, I didn't know what to think. Is he okay, did something happen?" Rachel asked, her voice cracking and eyes slowly starting to overfill with tears. She was terrified to death at the answer Carole was about to give her. She wanted her to laugh and say that it was all a misunderstanding, that Finn tripped and sprained his ankle and was just being overdramatic about the whole walking thing, but Carole's sullen expression just made her heart drop into her stomach.

"Look Rachel, maybe you should come inside. We'll have a cup of tea and we can explain everything to you okay?" Rachel nodded imperceptibly as Carole opened the door wider, and immediately, Rachel noticed the changes in the apartment. There was a large space between the couch and Finn's Dad's recliner, she assumed it was where Finn placed his wheelchair. The door that led to the den was closed, which was odd because it was a common family room and was always left open for anybody who wanted to watch TV or read a book. Carole led them to the kitchen, where Rachel could see a small line of medication lining up on the counter. Rachel gulped at the sight as Carole urged her to sit down as Kurt sat beside her. They both looked sad and serious and Rachel knew that this was bad.

Really, _really_, bad.

"Rachel, sweetie, there's no easy way to say this..."

"F-From the beginning would be good." Rachel murmured softly, wringing her hands nervously together. Carole looked at Kurt, urging him to be the one to tell Rachel.

"Well, remember six months ago when I had to fly back to Lima for a family problem? Um... It wasn't a family problem. It was an emergency about Finn. I got a call from my Dad that Finn was in the hospital." Rachel let out a small choked sob, the words finally hitting her. It was true. Finn was hurt, Finn was in the hospital, and _no one_ told her? Carole put a hand over Rachel's and squeezed her hand softly before she started speaking.

"Finn was involved in a car accident on as he was driving home one night. A drunk driver tried to beat a red light and instead, slammed into Finn's truck from behind and pinned him to a tree. He was unconscious for almost a week and he got a lot of injuries. He broke his arm, a couple of ribs, and his spine took a lot of damage..." Rachel's breath hitched in her throat, daring to speak her next words.

"S-So he's paralyzed?" Rachel let out in a horrified whisper. She was terrified to hear the answer, but the sad look in both Carole and Kurt's faces told her all that she needed to know.

"And _you didn't tell me_? God Kurt that was_ six months_ ago, that's half a year, Kurt! And no one wanted to say, 'hey Rachel, remember the guy that you got engaged to? Oh yeah, he was in a car accident, almost died and now he can't walk'?!"

"Rachel, Finn didn't want us to tell you. He didn't want you to worry. You were going out with Brody and you were happy and he knew you'd just come rushing back here." Rachel stood up from the table and started pacing back and forth. Finn was the one who didn't want to tell her about what happened? Because she woud worry? Of course she would worry! The boy she loved since she was 15 years old was in a major car accident and lost the ability to walk. Who wouldn't worry in a situation like that?

"Didn't want to worry me? Of course, since this situation is so much better!" Rachel almost shrieked in a sarcastic tone as Carole told her to calm down. Six long months. People kept this from her for six months.

"Rachel, I know you're upset right now, but Finn's sleeping and he needs is rest. We'll tell you everything you need to know, okay?" Carole said soothingly, urging her to sit down once more as silent tears streaked down her face. Carole looked to Kurt in pure helplessness as the girl beside them cried like the first time Carole had found out about Finn's accident through the phone. Maybe it was a little unfair to withhold this information from Rachel, considering the girl was still extremely in love with her son. They stayed silent as Rachel continued to cry, Kurt and Carole trying to comfort her as best as they could.

"Look Rachel, Finn is alive okay? Most of his injuries are healed, the only thing left is his spine. It took a lot of damage, but he's going through rigorous physical therapy and medication to help him recover. He's a partial paraplegic right now, which means he still has some feeling below his waist. T-The doctor says that maybe in a few years, he'll get the feeling back, but they're not sure. He's coping well and doesn't mind it too much anymore." Kurt explained softly to Rachel, trying to get her to see the positive side of things. "Maybe it was for the best that we kept this from you. Finn wasn't in the right state of mind to deal with anything besides recovery from that car accident. I don't think he could have dealt with his feelings for you too."

Rachel took a moment to soak up what Kurt had just told her, and maybe he was right. Whatever happened between Finn and her was a delicate issue to the both of them. Maybe it wasn't in his best interest to get involved with him at that point in time, but Rachel had to at least know what happened. Not just find out six months later just because she happened to run into them at the hospital.

"If Blaine had gone through this, wouldn't you have rushed to his side without even thinking once?" Rachel whispered softly, looking at Kurt pleadingly. He sighed and nodded.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way Rachel. But Finn's here, he's alive, and that's all that matters right now." Carole said as Rachel nodded. Finn was here. He was breathing, sleeping, he was okay. She couldn't imagine a world where he'd be just... taken from her. Without a goodbye, without the closure? Rachel wouldn't have been able to sleep at night if that had happened, so right now she was just glad that he was alive.

"Can I see him?"

"He's sleeping right now..." Carole tried to explain.

"Please. I just need to see him." Rachel begged as Carole took a moment to decide before nodding. She got up and lead Rachel to the den, where Rachel wondered why the door was closed. This was Finn's room now, and she couldn't believe that she walked right past him. Carole folded up the wheelchair, placing it against the wall and opening the door to reveal that the entire room had been redone, and right there, in the middle of everything, was Finn. He was strewn on the bed in the fashion that he normally slept, except his legs were rigid as his arms spread out on the mattress. Rachel's eyes wondered, taking in the modifications that they had done to the den. His bed was lined with a rail to help him climb up while a desk lay to the side with no desk chair, assuming that his wheelchair was his replacement. His laptop was closed on the desk along with a couple of books, pencils and sheets of yellow paper with random notes on glee club as well as a few education lessons. His drum set lay in the corner of the room, seemingly untouched by it's owner. There were pictures on his nightstand along with a few bottles of medication, but her eyes landed on one particular framed picture of herself with Finn, who was dressed in his football uniform. She realized that this was during one of his games, where she had watched from the stands as he scored the winning touchdowns. Finn always did tell her that it was his favorite picture.

As she scanned his body, he tried to see if anything had changed, if the accident left him with some scars on his body. She eyed him carefully, spotting a few scars from stitches and other

Rachel was snapped out of her thoughts by a soft groan coming from the figure on the bed. She carefully sat down next to his head, running her fingers through his soft hair. If she didn't know about his.. condition, she would perceive him as completely fine. He was snoring and she giggled a bit, because despite everything, that never changed. He shifted a little, his head turning towards her, resting his forehead against her leg.

_This is all that matters Rachel. He is here. He's alive. He's fine._

If only she'd let herself believe that she was fine as well, when in reality, her heart was breaking as she watched him move around on his bed, but his legs stayed still.

* * *

Finn woke up, blinking blearily around him as he took in the surroundings of his room. It had turned into night while he was sleeping, which was unusual since he never slept this long. He sat up and looked around the room, his eyes attempting to adjust to the darkness before reaching over to turn on the lamp. He pushed his blanket off of his body and saw that his Mom placed his wheelchair back in his room. His nap got his headache to go away and now he was really hungry. He registered the smell of roast chicken and potatoes in the air as his stomach grumbled, pulling himself into his wheelchair and rolled out of his room.

"Mom? What's cooking?" Finn called out, his voice echoing throughout the house.

"I'm in the kitchen, honey!" Finn pushed himself into the kitchen and he stopped dead in the middle of the doorway, seeing the one person he hasn't seen in six months, and conveniently, the person who didn't know he was paralyzed, sitting in the middle of their dinner table.

"Hi Finn." Rachel said, smiling softly at him. Finn braced himself for the screaming and tantrum throwing that came with a Rachel Berry storm out but instead, all stayed still and quiet and watched the two of them carefully. His Mom was cooking something and Kurt was just sitting on the table, eyeing the two. That's when it all clicked.

"You told her?" Finn asked as everyone turned to look at him.

"She saw us at the hospital after your check up today. She came to the house and started asking what was wrong, and I think it was time to tell her." Carole said, trying to explain the situation to Finn, who simply nodded. He didn't want her to find out this way, but was there any other way that she could find out?

"Can we talk Finn?" Rachel asked to Finn's surprise. He thought for a moment before nodding, waiting for Rachel to move out of the kitchen before him as she went into his room. She sat on his bed in silence as he closed the door behind them and wheeled himself towards his bed, hoisting himself up unto the bed to sit right next to Rachel. He wrung his hands nervously, taking a look at Rachel. She hasn't changed, she was still that beautiful girl who he loved with everything he had. Her hair was free of extensions and back to its original brown color. Her makeup was toned down, but she looked like she had been crying.

"Rachel..." Rachel's fingers pressed against his lips, quieting him down.

"No words."

"But what's..."

"No words." Rachel repeated, before wrapping her arms tightly around him. Finn was confused, but wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. Finn felt her start to shake softly against him, his t-shirt starting to get drenched in her tears. Finn was surprised, and pulled away for a moment to see Rachel crying.

"Rachel please..."

"No words." She murmured, her voice cracking as tears continued to pour down her face.

Right now, she didn't want explanations or excuses as to how this happened or why they didn't tell her. Right now, all she wanted was to hold Finn and to feel him hold her back. She wanted to know, to be sure, that he was here, alive and well, wrapped around his arms and did not want to think of another possibility that he wouldn't be with her right now.

She just wanted him, in anyway she could have him.

* * *

**Hey guys! **

**Here's another update to the story, I'm sorry it took so long, but I'm in college now and I've been busy with school. I am trying to work on the other stories as well and will not be starting anymore stories until I finish one or two. **

**Thanks for the wait, and as always, please keep reviewing! They really keep me happy and going.**

_**lostinthelights**_


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